I’ve been learning a lot about Who the Lord is as a father. I guess in the past I’ve never really put a label on God. God has always just kinda been God, but in this season, He is definitely a father – which would make me His daughter. I’ve never viewed myself as a daughter. I view myself as a big sister, sometimes even as a mom, a friend, but never as a daughter, and most definitely not a child, until now.
The first ministry we had here in Costa Rica was helping with construction on the home of a single mother of 4. Though this was a few weeks ago, the Lord is just now stringing together moments from those days to teach me about who He is to me, and who I am to Him.
I am naturally drawn to children, and I like to think that they are drawn to me, too! So it’s no surprise that I ended up singing and dancing with two little girls holding my hands and a 3 month old baby on my hip when we were working on the home. Don’t worry, I was definitely helping with the construction, but I think that my main ministry for those few days was to take care of that 3 month old baby, Sophia, so that her mom and sisters could have a bit of a break. It quickly became evident to both the mom and the 9 year old sister, Pricilla that I was a natural caregiver.
Picture this: You’re behind a house made of slabs of tin in the middle of nowhere Costa Rica, zoned out digging dirt with the sun beaming on you, when all of the sudden you look up to see a little girl about as tall as your legs, holding a crying baby in her hands, with her arms outstretched towards you. You do what any rational human would do, and that is drop the shovel and rock Sophia back to sleep.
That was me. I thought it was endearing that Pricilla knew that I was a safe person to hand her helpless baby sister to, but at the time I really didn’t see anything deeper than just that.
Thursday night during worship I found myself on my knees sobbing, and if I’m being honest I was crying about my life as a whole. I had come to the realization that I have always felt like I have to be strong and helpful to be loved, and that new found knowledge broke my heart. In that moment I felt the Lord say to me, “rest in my arms the same way Sophia rested in yours.” That one simple sentence allowed me to see the Lord as who He is, a parent. Sophia was instantly comforted in my arms, because she knew that they were safe. I think that as we grow up we forget that it is okay to be held, and for me, I became the person doing the holding instead of the one being held. How beautiful is it that The Lord wants to hold us? Psalm 91:4 says “under His wings you will find refuge.” In other words, in the Lord’s arms you will find safety. For the first time in a long time I feel like I am able to do something so simple: be a child, because that’s who I am in the Lord’s eyes. This realization might seem quite simple to some, but I know that to others it is much bigger, because it has been for me.
Don’t forget that you are still a child. I challenge you to determine where your safety lies. Is it in drinking away your pain? Is it in validation from social media? Or is it in the only place that is truly safe, in the arms Abba, our father?
HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE RACE? MY FRIENDS AND I PROBABLY ANSWERED THEM IN MY LAST YOUTUBE VID!
