How Fundraising is Changing My Faith

When I first sat down to begin the process of writing fundraising letters, I couldn’t stop thinking about how small I am compared to the number 10,500. I found myself overwhelmed with anxiety and doubt. I was being attacked with every single one of my insecurities and as tears began to swell, I put down my pen and paper and took a moment to be still. In this stillness I felt the Lord speaking over me, telling me that yes I am small, and yes, 10,500 is a big number, but He is so much bigger. I then realized that if I take on fundraising with a “Me” mindset, raising $10,500 in three months will seem and truly will be impossible. I’ve been working on consistently walking in faith and boy is the Lord testing me with this through the act of fundraising. This trip is something so good that comes straight from the Father and I honestly feel ignorant for allowing myself to be so anxious about funds! Free falling into the arms of the Lord is so scary, walking blindly with Him and having to fully trust that He will provide is something that I don’t think I’ve ever experienced in such a big way, but what seems to be a common theme here is how freeing all of these things are! Over the past several months of really taking my faith seriously I have learned that though I thought I had been walking with Jesus for so many years I truly hadn’t been- because walking with Jesus doesn’t look like going to church on Sunday hungover from the night before. Walking with Jesus doesn’t look like starving yourself for years to try to fit the world’s standard of beauty. walking with Jesus isn’t searching for fulfillment from attention from boys or instagram likes or being consumed with anxiety about the future. I was what the Christian world would call a “lukewarm Christian” I was talking the talk but simply was not walking the walk. Fundraising has opened my eyes to just how little faith I had. So yes, to some people I may sound completely crazy when I say that I’m not nervous about funding, and others may completely understand where I am coming from. I am far from perfect at this whole “fully relying on God” thing, and to be honest I feel like I am kinda new to it, but being able take a deep breath, breathing in the holy spirit and breathing out my doubts, worries, fears, and anxieties and actually believing that the Lord is good and faithful and will provide truly is changing the way I view Jesus. I am finally seeing the life change that people talk about when they begin to actually trust God. I never want to go back to that anxious girl questioning the power of my God, and the cool thing about this whole thing is that I never have to! The World Race is doing some radical things on my heart, and I haven’t even left yet.