My “40 Years of Wilderness”

Many of us know the story of the Israelites and the 40 years of wilderness that they faced. The Israelites had endured hundreds of years of slavery, so when they were freed I can’t help but believe that they were expecting their journey to the earthly Promised Land to be smooth sailing, and I can’t blame them! On their journey they became impatient with God and felt that they deserved more than what they were being given, so they decided to cut corners and turn to other idols and gods to speed up the process. Because of their lack of faith and disobedience in the Lord, they were banished to 40 years in the wilderness before they could reach the Promised Land.  That’s the thing about being human, we are so quick to think that we are deserving and have suffered enough and a lot of times I think we ignorantly reach a point where we expect God to hand things to us on a silver platter. Through their 40 years they endured many hardships, but the Lord was a constant provider, sending them quail and manna daily. His provision serves as a reminder that we are loved by him. I am a firm believer in the metaphor comparing humans to glow sticks. Sometimes we have to be broken in order to truly grow, and I think that was the case in this scenario. God knows that these 40 years were limbo for the Israelites, that they had not reached their final destination, and how good is He to not only recognize the limbo, but to meet them there?! I can relate to this story in many different ways (I love it when this happens because it is a reminder of how ageless our God is.) I feel like Colorado was my 40 years of wilderness in a sense. I was at a point where I felt like I had been through enough. I had experienced family trauma, the death of a very close friend, abandonment, an eating disorder, dabbled in alcoholism, and the list goes on! I was just like the Israelites, I selfishly decided that I deserved more and refused to walk in faith. I mentioned the glow stick metaphor, but with me I feel like God had to break me a million times in order for me to glow. When the Lord sent me to Colorado, He sent me there in the midst of my brokenness. I was ugly on the inside and felt like I needed to get my act together before sitting at His feet, but that’s not what happened. Yes, He threw me into the wilderness, but He saw my brokenness and me met me there, because He knew I was in limbo. I think that everybody will experience some sort of wilderness at one point or another, and I honestly pray that everybody has the opportunity to! Getting to see the Lord provide in a new way changes your relationship with Christ, and being in a position where you are aware that you’re walking in wilderness is a really humbling place to be. To be quite honest, I’m not sure if I’m out of my “wilderness,” but I know that I am sitting at His feet, and that is a good place to be.