The Lord used my sick days to bring me ultimate healing. 

I started not feeling well last Friday, (2/5). We had a bit of a slower weekend where I was able to take it easy, and I continued to do so over our adventure day on Monday and Sabbath on Tuesday. Wednesday morning rolled around and as I was sitting at the kitchen table journaling about the day of ministry that was to come and asking the Lord to give me an opportunity to step out in bold faith that day, my team leader, Sam, came up to me and told me that I would not be allowed to go to ministry because I hadn't been feeling well. Right when I heard Sam say "Hey Piper, you have to stay back from ministry today" I immediately dropped my pen began to cry. Dramatic, right? I was disappointed and frustrated, but mostly, I was scared. 

Staying home from one or two, or in my case, what ended up being three days of ministry doesn't seem all that scary, unless you're somebody like me. I was scared for a multitude of reasons. First of all, I hate not being able to do everything/please everybody, and in some ways I felt like staying home was letting down my whole team. But what I was really scared of stemmed from something that the Lord had asked me to do a few days prior.

On Sunday evening as I was praying/journaling I felt the Lord telling me to walk back through my whole life/all of my hurt so that He could show me where He was and how He made it beautiful. I brushed it off because the LAST thing I wanted to do was sit and write out every single tough thing that had ever happened to me. Well, fast forward to Wednesday. As soon as I was told that I had to stay back from ministry, I knew that the Lord was providing me with an opportunity to do what I had been avoiding. As I started to cry at this realization, my team and squad leaders surrounded me and began praying the sweetest words over me. I don't think I have ever felt more loved than I did in that moment! After they prayed, one of my squad leaders, Hannah, pulled up a chair beside me, knowing that there was more going on than just not being able to go to ministry. I cried to her and told her what the Lord had been asking me to do. I remember saying "I've never been so scared to do something that He is asking me to do, this is going to hurt so bad." at least 5 times. I was genuinely scared. Hannah encouraged me and prayed for me, and then they left for the day. It was just me and God, and I knew I could no longer avoid what He had been asking of me. 

I went out to the balcony and prayed for comfort and peace to rest over me, and then the verse 2 Peter 1:12 came to me. It says "Therefore, I intend to remind you constantly of these things, even though you know them and are well established in the truth that you now have." This verse can be interpreted in many different ways, but for me this was simply the Lord telling me that He sees me. And then I went inside to get water and my Bible was flipped to Hebrews 12:11. This verse says "Now all discipline seems painful at the time, not joyful. But later it produces the fruit of peace and righteousness for those trained by it." I had never heard either of these verses before, and I fully believe that the Lord was speaking to me through them. He was telling me that it's going to be okay. He was telling me that He knew it was going to hurt but assuring me that the pain would be worth it because of the fruits that were to come.

After I read that verse I sat down on the cold tile on the balcony. I wrote, I cried, I prayed, and most importantly, I worshiped. I'm not finished writing everything down, and there are still many things in my life that I honestly really struggle to see the Lord's beauty in, but I am choosing to continue to worship Him in the valley, the same way I worship Him on the mountain top.